MY SISTERLY CHATS

Recently I found this wonderful article entitled, Why Sisterly Chats Make People Happier   (written by Deborah Tannen) and after having read the article, though it did not make me feel any better about the loss of my sister, I did find in reading it a great measure of comfort I had been searching for. Also while reading the article, I felt as though someone finally understood me and my pain! The experience was outstanding! Also, while reading the article I was reminded of all the wonderful things my sister and I did with one another over the past 55 1/2 years. I know I can have her near me...in my heart and mind. I have so many fond memories of her---of good times we shared together as children and those we share over the years as adults. I know no amount of remembering will ever bring her back to me but I also know my memories of her do bring me good cheer, plus those wonderful happy tears. Whenever I think of her I am reminded of what a treasure I had in having a sister who was, such a good friend. I love her so much and miss her immensely but nonetheless I find I am crying less, feeling less blue  and am even missing her less now than I have over most of this past year.  Often I will just smile when I think of something she liked, i.e. a song, a scent or a scene or I might see someone who reminds me of her. 

I want to encourage anyone who is reading this article of mine to go ahead and link onto Deborah Tannen's article and read it---anyone who has a sister, has lost a sister or even wishes he or she had a sister. The article is well-written, thoughtful and provides comfort to the aching heart . You need not have suffered any loss at all to read & enjoy this article.

THOUGHTS ON MY SISTER: she made it so easy to love her as she did many things little things to let me know I mattered to her---i.e. remembered birthdays, anniversaries (this she did even though she never had a successful marriage) and all holidays (even lesser-known ones); e-mailed often; called regularly (every Sunday nite); sent silly, small, and inexpensive gifts. She was so much fun to be with, even on the phone. Because she and I lived so far apart all of our adult lives, the telephone became the main form of communication between the two of us and was often the only means of regular visits we had with one another. She raised her three children mostly without help of a spouse because she was a single parent and so she usually had very little money to spend but this did not interfere with her loving gestures.

 

Sometime in 1999 or 2000 my sister and I happened to be on the telephone talking when  both noticed we were watching the same movie, it was Pillow Talk starring Doris Day and Rock Hudson. We also found we were both in our pajamas so my sister hatched a brilliant idea that we should repeat it!  We called it Phone-call-&-a-Movie. The next Phone-call-&-a-Movie we added popcorn & soda, enjoyed 2-3 hours on the phone and had a blast; we watched That Touch of Mink, also starring Doris Day but with Cary Grant and Gig Young. We planned a third event, with Mixed Nuts starring Steve Martin and Rita Wilson but my sister passed away before we could watch it together as planned. My copy of the movie stayed on the shelf unopened for years.  About 5 years ago my sister suffered a horrific car accident from which she never fully recovered from and then November 1, 2010 she passed away in the night.

Over the 2010 Christmas holiday I went to visit my parents for the purpose of putting together a PowerPoint Bio & Photo Memoir of my sister's life for sharing with family and close friends. At some point during the course of the visit, my sister's youngest child John asked if I would sit with him, watch a movie and so I agreed. At the time, I felt I needed something to lighten up my spirits and so I suggested he choose a movie. He chose a movie I had never seen before, Mixed Nuts, I was delighted. We sat down with popcorn, sodas and watched the movie together, laughing and howling with delight at the ridiculous movie but then somewhere in the middle of it I remembered it, even though I had never seen it before until that moment! I said nothing to my nephew and continued watching it with him and enjoyed the time spent with my nephew. One moment I found myself laughing hysterically and the next I was crying silently; I found it a great comfort to be watching her movie with her son and so it was okay. He told me when the movie was over why he chose it---because it was one of his mother's favorites, I smiled at him through tears!

I am so glad I was able to spend the last two years of my sister's life doing things together with her, to get closer to her, to end it all on a happy note  and have relatively few regrets about any of it.  One of the last trips I spent in North Carolina with her, we went to Edenton to have lunch at Captain Bob's (the best Eastern North Carolina barbecue on the planet, since Tuck's in Elizabeth City went out of business) and then went about doing research, taking tours and shooting photographs for a book we planned to write together. That was something she left undone, a book almost complete, one only in the planning stages and another one I have only heard about from someone else. I will have to  complete these by myself. One is almost ready for peer review, the second one I have only complete the research on and I will worry about the third one after I complete the first two. 

To Debbie: I hope to see you on the other side...but not too soon, Sister! :) I love you. This photograph below looks like some shenanigan we might have done together! :)