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The title to this blog is also the title of a great article by Joni Hilton at Meridian Magazine (link onto the title for the full article.) Thanks Joni for sharing and dispensing words of comfort to all of us, women and men, who suffer from seeking impossible conclusions in our lives---striving for perfection in the here and now. I too have sought after that illusive butterfly of perfection to only find myself even more disillusioned from striving for that impossible dream of perfection. I have found more comfort, peace and inner solace in my life by settling for mediocrity. In fact I have found mediocrity has become my friend.
As a young mother many years ago, I found I got along better with my young children and my husband whenever I would do only what I could with the house during my days---i.e. fixing only the simplest of meals, just tidying ups so I could spend most of my days playing and taking walks with my children, making time sit down with my children and watch whatever it was they were watching on TV and reading to them everyday. I found everything need not be perfect because ultimately it was not going to be with two small children up and about! It was impossible to even try to achieve any sense of perfection so why start?
All along the way through my life I have found I learned and gained more through making mistakes and failing than I have ever made striving for the impossibility of perfection. Whatever happened to that adage quoted so often many years ago about ..."Living In Balance"? And what happened to that other adage also quoted so often many years ago about ..."Moderation In All Things"? Aren't these two adages just another way of stating there is wisdom for all through living a life of mediocrity? Also, why is it wrong to play and have a good time while balancing work and business? Didn't we also hear how "work and no play"made..."Jack a dull boy"?
I chose mediocrity in dealing my children because to me it was more humane and it felt good. I remembered how I always felt like such a failure as a child playing games with my parents and never once ever winning. I loved my children too much to do this to them; I knew my level of success with board games might overwhelm them, so I found a way to play with them fairly and to allow them the freedom to win by handicapping myself (like golfers do.) It was the same with our artistic endeavors such as coloring and drawing, at such a young age my children could not possibly achieve my level of artistic capabilities---so I chose to color what they colored, drew what they drew and complimented them every step of the way by praising their accomplishments however small because I knew each time they succeeded they had excelled remarkably and individually, for their ages and their unique capabilities. I worked hard on not comparing them to one another or to others they knew, and especially not ever to my husband or me.
Mediocrity and imperfection, as strange it might sound, should be embraced by us humans; as we all know, we are mortals and as such we are flawed & imperfect. Why shouldn't we become friends with these qualities---the qualities of mortals---i.e. mediocrity, imperfection and even failure? Aren't these qualities the bottom-most area just under the first rungs on that legendary
Ladder to Success? How is it we forget this fact? If we do not become familiar with mediocrity, imperfections and failures first then isn't it true we cannot ready ourselves to even stand before the ladder and much less be able to climb up the first rung on that legendary
Ladder to Success? Isn't it possible if we do not embrace mediocrity, imperfections and failures, we may find ourselves not even able to recognize any real successes in our lives, when we finally gain them, because we have not learned to love ourselves first---by embracing our mediocrity, imperfections and all of our failures? If all of this is true then isn't it also very important to not only embrace these ignoble qualities but to first acquaint ourselves with them? I believe the only way we can find ourselves on our way to the top of this ladder is to realize we made it up that ladder by starting on the ground first, not even on a rung. No one starts a journey up a ladder to the top who does not first start by standing on the ground under the ladder! Don't babies fail a lot before they can stand, then walk and later run? Think how the baby first becomes very acquainted with the ground before ever making any measurable progress....
I have done some research of my own and found Joni Hilton's statement---"women suffer this inherent human flaw more than men do" to be true. Also, I think older women should be extra careful to embrace their flaws and find ways to accept who they are, not only for their own peace of mind and good mental health, but also so they can set good examples of success to those younger women coming behind them. I speak from experience and as a member of the older set myself; I know younger women are actually looking up to us for answers and solutions---watching, studying and even imitating us. I believe they do this even though they act as though we are invisible to them and often treat us as though we were worthless and useless. I believe if we can learn to accept ourselves for who we really are---valuable and useful members of society---then we will make not only our lives so much more trouble free to ourselves and much happier as well but also will make it easier for those younger women who follow after us mimicking us....even they might find some self-acceptance in the bargain too.
We live in a very materialistic world here in the US, so much more so than it was even just a few years ago. It is so easy now for most any woman, with a little piece of plastic and a small electronic device to order almost anything she wants; likewise with a small investment, depending on a woman's means and needs, she can change her looks, invasive or otherwise. If it is her wish to do so she can sacrifice her basic needs for love, companionship and familial fulfillment to make an extremely successful career and comfortable lifestyle for herself. Women of all ages and backgrounds can now make it on their own and even though it is my opinion these are very narcissistic means which often leads to only a false sense of peace and not even self-acceptance---nonetheless many USAmerican women today choose to follow along this path. Likewise women with no sense of life direction or little or no will to stand firm and strong can likewise find herself alone, a single parent without any means of family support or financial help and facing a very grim existence. We all have more than the choices we have placed before but only if someone tells us, shows us but better yet, if some leads the way for us! Life is more than merely a career, parenting, domestic chores, education and marriage AND SO---LET US not forget that we also have other choices in life that are actually the more important ones---i.e. self-acceptance, inner peace, joy and happiness. They make it possible to endure the hard times, the struggles and the difficulties which come to all of us even for those of us who live the successful and comfortable lifestyles. Let us choose today which paths we will walk on and especially to choose wisely to allow us to set better examples for those who follow after us.
I think talking about about our successes and failures freely and openly in front of younger women is a very wise thing to do because as they listen---which they will, even though they pretend they are ignoring us---perhaps by hearing what we have done they can learn better from their mistakes than we have done. Both our mistakes and successes taken together might make it possibly for them to figure out what is right for them to do---i.e. sex vs. virginity before marriage/relationship; careful selection of a life partner or companion, and/or possible co-parent; commitment and dedication to a marriage or a more solitary life-style; education vs family or both. Everyone has to ask themselves those hard questions at some point---whether or not to have a meaningful life or to scratch out an existence or use the "scratch and claw method "to achieving success. It always sounds so noble to stand up for the right, to do the right thing and/or to be a good person in-spite of incoming tides of anger, humiliation, indifference and/or ignorance but even so choosing to take the easy route and follow the popular crowd is not such a great place either. The Good Book says---let's not hide our light under a bushel but share it so not only we can find our way in the dark but others too can find their way as well.
I would like to end this posting with a poem I became acquainted with and very fond of in my youth---A Bridge For Him by WA Dromgoole (it has been appropriately adapted by me); it seems to be such an appropriate ending to this blog:
An old woman, traveling a lone pathway,
Came at the evening cold and gray,
To a chasm deep and wide.
The old woman crossed in the twilight blur,
For the sullen stream held no fears for her,
But she turned when she reached the other side,
And builded a bridge to span the tide.
“Old woman,” cried another traveler near,
“You are wasting your strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day,
And you never again will pass this way.
“You have crossed the chasm deep and wide.
Why build you a bridge at eventide?”
And the woman raised her old gray head:
“Good friend, on the path I have come,” she said,
“There followeth after me today
A girl whose feet will pass this way.”
“This stream, which has been as naught to me,
To that fair-haired girl may a pitfall be;
She, too, must cross in the twilight blur –
Good friend, I am building this bridge for her.”
